Marriage

We walked out of the grocery store hand-in-hand, but as we reached the car my husband let go and headed for the driver’s seat. For what felt like the thousandth time, he hadn’t opened the door for me. I stopped where he’d let go of my hand and waited in disappointment for him to turn around.

He looked back and smiled at me. “What, sweetie?”

“Well … it’s just that … you never open the door for me anymore, and I really, really like that,” I said, staring awkwardly at the ground before continuing. “Do you remember our first official date? Do you know how I knew you were the one?”

“How?” he asked.

“Because you opened every single door for me. The movie theatre door, the car door, the door to Steak ‘n’ Shake. Every single door.”

Now, all of this might sound silly to you, but having my husband open the door for me is a big reminder of how much he loves and cares for me. It makes me feel special, treasured and secure. That’s why I was saddened in the grocery store parking lot, because he had stopped showing love to me in this way.

But the door swings both ways. And later that night, we talked about the ways that I’d stopped being a lover and encourager for him too.

Falling in love is sensational, magical and sweet. But staying in love and cultivating a strong marriage — that’s something that takes work. As husbands and wives, we can’t just go through the motions of daily life and expect our relationships to grow deeper. We have to show up, roll up our sleeves, put our spouses first and actively demonstrate our love.

Dear sisters, if we are to be imitators of Christ and godly wives, we have to move from having an “I’ mindset to having a “we” mindset. In the heat of the moment, when life is busy, stressful or frustrating, we have to commit to choosing selflessness over selfishness and loving our man with everything we’ve got.

It’s easy to think about and dwell on the ways that we want to be loved and encouraged better: open the car door for me, tell me I’m beautiful, buy me flowers, surprise me with candles and a bottle of wine, take me out to dinner, dance with me under the stars. The hard part of marriage is to put loving and encouraging our husband into practice.

But there’s hope for us all, and all we have to do is commit to making an effort. So, if you’re wondering how to encourage your husband better, here are eight ways to get started (eight ways that are husband approved, I should add!):

1. Write a note.

Whenever my husband leaves to go on a business trip, I always leave him a note in the morning letting him know that I will miss him and that I hope he has safe travels. Notes are a tangible way to show love and, in the digital world we live in, they are so rare and valuable. Surprise your man by leaving a note on the mirror, refrigerator, or in his lunch box or car. A note is worth 1,000 hugs.

2. Say thank you.

I know, this one sounds so simple, but if you honestly stop and think about it, how often do you thank your husband? If you’re like me, probably not as often as you should. Thanking him for the big and little things — taking out the trash, cleaning the dog, helping fold laundry, surprising you with a gift — shows him that he is appreciated.

3. Tell him why you love him, and remind him often.

When we first fall in love, we make a point to tell someone why we love them, and we don’t let them forget about it, either. But after “I do,” some of us stop reminding our spouse that we’re still madly in love with them.

Wherever you are, I want you to take out a piece of paper right now and write down the first 10 things that come to mind when you think about why you love your husband. Maybe it’s his smile, or the way he takes care of you. Maybe it’s his work ethic, or his tender heart. Whatever those reasons are, make a point to remind him of those reasons a couple of times a week.Read More