Lauren Gaskill

If it were up to me
I’d have a house by the sea
Cloaked in sunshine and grace
It would be an always happy kind of place
But because this dream is not a reality
I will instead find somehow to agree
That beauty, joy and love can be found anywhere
If I truly take the time to care.

Last month, one of the worship pastors at my church introduced our band to a new song, “Sing My Love,” by Jesus Culture. Everyone in the band, including myself, fell in love with the song at rehearsal on Thursday night. But come Sunday morning, while singing back-up vocals on stage, I noticed several people in the sanctuary were not as enthused. Many arms were crossed and lips cemented shut. For whatever reason, they seemed unwilling to praise. 

Some of the common excuses I hear whenever these situations arise are: I don’t like to sing. Or, I don’t feel like singing. As if not liking or not being in the mood for something gives us a free pass not to participate. We are called to make a joyful noise to our God, but too often we remain silent.

But God deserves our utmost respect and praise, regardless of what’s going on in our heads, or our lives.

I remember in high school, when I was going through a rough time, I took my concerns to my youth pastor, Tommy. I wanted to trust God — to give Him all my praise — but at the time, it seemed there was nothing in my life that gave me a reason to. I didn’t feel like singing in church. I didn’t feel like praying at night. I was so frustrated and jaded by a hardened heart. I’ll never forget what my youth pastor said to me:

“Sure, there are times in our lives when we don’t want to praise, but believing in God is trusting and praising Him, even when things aren’t OK.”

Those words were burned into my brain that day, and my relationship with God was forever changed.

I write a lot about the love God has for us, but there is something I think is equally, if not more important: our response in expressing the love we have for Him.Read More

Here’s a small confession: I write a lot about overcoming fear, but I still wrestle with it almost every week.

I don’t think fear is something we can completely extinguish from our lives — it’s part of the human condition. The only person who can truly silence it is Jesus. That being said however, I also think that when anxious situations come our way, we have a choice in how we react to them. This is why I will continue to write about fear; because I think the more it’s talked about, the easier it becomes to deal with.

Last week, for the memoir I am writing, I had to revisit what caused my high school anxiety attacks. I didn’t know how I would react. Honestly, I was more frightened of what would happen afterwards versus facing the source of fear itself. To my displeasure, as I took this trip down memory lane, the feelings I felt almost five years ago came flooding back. Like a bullet comes out of a gun once the trigger is pulled, I couldn’t stop the fear from crippling me.

Shaking, I ran outside to get some fresh air. But instead of trying to relax, I started to beat myself up. Look at how pathetic you are, Lauren. You’ll never escape the reality of what happened. This will always stay with you, and you’ll never be able to stop the flashbacks from coming. I felt hopeless and helpless.

Traumatic events have a way of staying with us. The severity of life-altering situations leave an impression on our brains like a deep footprint in wet cement. And while trauma doesn’t have to be a death sentence, it’s only a matter of time before the cracks begin to show.Read More