Lauren Gaskill

Here’s a small confession: I write a lot about overcoming fear, but I still wrestle with it almost every week.

I don’t think fear is something we can completely extinguish from our lives — it’s part of the human condition. The only person who can truly silence it is Jesus. That being said however, I also think that when anxious situations come our way, we have a choice in how we react to them. This is why I will continue to write about fear; because I think the more it’s talked about, the easier it becomes to deal with.

Last week, for the memoir I am writing, I had to revisit what caused my high school anxiety attacks. I didn’t know how I would react. Honestly, I was more frightened of what would happen afterwards versus facing the source of fear itself. To my displeasure, as I took this trip down memory lane, the feelings I felt almost five years ago came flooding back. Like a bullet comes out of a gun once the trigger is pulled, I couldn’t stop the fear from crippling me.

Shaking, I ran outside to get some fresh air. But instead of trying to relax, I started to beat myself up. Look at how pathetic you are, Lauren. You’ll never escape the reality of what happened. This will always stay with you, and you’ll never be able to stop the flashbacks from coming. I felt hopeless and helpless.

Traumatic events have a way of staying with us. The severity of life-altering situations leave an impression on our brains like a deep footprint in wet cement. And while trauma doesn’t have to be a death sentence, it’s only a matter of time before the cracks begin to show.Read More

To-do lists have a way of never ending.

The completion of one task is only the signal of another’s start. After weeks and weeks of round the clock activity like this, a simple day, where I don’t have to do anything but whatever I please, sounds like paradise. I just want to lie in bed all day and think about nothing. I will say. But the funny thing is, when that day of freedom finally comes, I often don’t know what to do with it.

Unless I’m on vacation in a tropical or foreign place, there is a part of me that can’t just be still.

Even now on my Spring Break, at my childhood home, I feel this need to have something to do every day. It’s quite the contradiction: I dread being busy, but I also don’t like the idea of of having nothing to do.

Time is valuable to me, and so I feel guilty if I’m not doing anything with it. Instead of relaxing when my to-do list runs out, I turn around and fill it up with stuff again. I wouldn’t call myself a workaholic, but I can be preoccupied by making sure I hit each day’s targets and goals.Read More